5 Ways to Overcome Jealousy
Scrolling through Instagram can be a minefield.
"How is this girl so amazing? I cannot figure out how she's so beautiful, owns her own business, and has cute kids in monogrammed outfits. Is she even real??" This is a conversation I've had with myself I'm embarrassed to admit and I had fallen into that trap again one morning when I stayed in bed a litter longer than I should have.
I was scrolling, double tapping, and scrolling some more, when I stumbled upon an account filled with a perfect looking life that captivated me and stung like a dagger to the heart. Jealousy.
I'm bringing it into the light because jealousy has been a secret struggle of so many for far too long. Instead of being embarrassed by it, we should talk about it and help each other overcome. So let's do it together, let's start putting some healthy practices in place to kick jealousy to the curb.
1. Develop an abundance mindset
I saw a post on Facebook asking for advice for a friend who was taking other's success as her failure and didn't know how to move past it and I realized something: When we're triggered by someone else's blessings or breakthroughs, it's deeply rooted in a scarcity mindset.
It's completely illogical to think another person having something you want makes it unattainable to you. But when we have a scarcity mindset, we see others success as our failure, we see others abundance as our lack. We believe there isn’t enough to go around so if someone else gets a seat at the table, there's no room left for us.
To develop an abundance mindset, start here: make a choice to focus on the positive every single day. Then fight for that choice with everything you've got.
2. Develop new beliefs
The root of jealousy is always a bad belief we've let in. I am not enough. I don't have a future or hope. I don't have what it takes.
When something happens that triggers that feeling of not enoughness, I pull out a Bible verse. Scripture is filled with beautiful truths that will create flourishing in every area of our lives.
Replace "I am not enough" with "I am complete, not lacking anything" (Colossians 2:10). Replace "I don't have a future" with "The Lord has a future and a hope for me" (Jeremiah 29:11). Replace "I don't have what it takes" with "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). Bury the truth into your heart, water it, and watch it grow.
3. Develop a life-giving tongue
I don't think any middle school bully could rival the one inside our own heads, we write full on hate speeches against ourselves every day. And it doesn't just stay in our heads, it comes flying out of our mouths too. Fall down the stairs, "I'm so clumsy", fail a test "I'm such an idiot", disappointed by a circumstance in my life, "of course this is happening to me".
What we speak sets things into motion, we create the environment of our lives with our words. We can create life or death, negativity or positivity, hope or doom, joy or dread, all with what we choose to say about ourselves and our lives. Fill up the world around you with life-giving, hope-filled, beautiful words and watch your environment change, watch jealousy and comparison become a thing of the past.
4. Develop a practice of gratitude
When we're busy celebrating the blessings in our lives (I mean laugh out loud, dance until you sweat, thank you JESUS celebration), we have no room to be jealous of someone else's life. Ain't nobody got time for that! Stop taking the people and the gifts in your life for granted and start being so deeply thankful for them every day knowing just how quickly it could be taken away. Jealousy won't be a problem when we’re too busy embracing the people and the life we have like there's no tomorrow.
5. Develop relationships
With Others: We need to have close relationships with people so we can share our struggles with them and realize we are not alone. When you're struggling with jealousy and you keep it a secret, it only gets stronger. When you share your struggle with someone trustworthy, it begins to lose its power over you. And when you develop relationships with people, it will be hard to be jealous of them because you'll realize every person has their fair share of difficulties and they need your empathy. They need you to root for them instead of compete with them. When you're able to cheer others on without feeling any sting of comparison, you are truly free.
With God: We have an eternal soul that can only be filled by an eternal God. That's why we are constantly in search of more. When we're jealous, we believe that if we only had MORE of that thing, we would finally be fulfilled. There's nothing external that can ever fulfill us, we will only want more. All of those things, peace, joy, fulfillment, value, can only be found in Jesus. Turn off the pursuit of significance, love, and fulfillment and receive love and joy and peace and fulfillment from your relationship with Jesus. Connect with Him and find how he is always enough and always waiting to meet your needs. When you truly know that nothing but the love of God can fulfill you, you can be free from jealousy.
If you're struggling with jealousy, I'm your girl. I've been deep in those waters before. Know that you are not alone and you're not weird. If you develop these practices in your life, I know you can overcome jealousy whenever it hits and you can have joy and fulfillment no matter where you're at in life.
I believe in you, I see you, you are enough. Develop an abundance mindset, new beliefs, a life-giving tongue, a practice of gratitude, and relationships with people and God. Jealousy won’t stand a chance.
If you want to stop feeling stuck in life, try these mindset shifts. And if you're wanting more encouraging content to live with passion and purpose, make sure to subscribe to the newsletter.